“HOW I grew into my New Life.”

“HOW I grew into my New Life.”
by Christian L.
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I arrived at Foundation House at around one in the morning, having flown from Utah, where I had just completed 90 days of primary treatment. At 28, Patrick had assured me on the phone, I was a prime candidate to, “get this.” Get what? I wondered to myself. Get living life in a way that was not only useful, but healthy and fulfilling. I would come to learn this in my next 10 months of living under the beneficent guidance of my new friends at Foundation House.

Right off the bat, I was greeted at the jetport in Portland, by two jovial residents of FH, who were peppering me with anecdotes of their new found happiness in Maine; all the while, reaffirming that I should slow things down and simply learn to crawl before I could walk. These guys had an ease to their laughter that sounded vaguely familiar, and an ease that I longed for deep within. I got the tour around the State Street house--where to meet in the morning for “money and meds”; where to wash my own clothes; where to cook my own food; where to go if I had a problem, day or night. “My room is this first door on the left,” Ryan said to me, “and I’m always here for you.” I chuckled this off as the required line by the House Manager, given to every new arrival, but would come to understand that he was there, and he meant it.

Overwhelmed with getting my life on the right track, I stayed up for several hours in my new room, looking over the diligent notes I had taken in treatment about understanding triggers, and the principles of a life in recovery. I kept coming back to one word that I had written over and over, “HOW,” and it would be the word on which I focused in the coming weeks and months. HOW, I learned at Cirque Lodge, was the Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness, necessary to live life free from the bonds of my old, deleterious ways.

There are so many things I learned while living at Foundation House--how “effort” was integral for success, how to “suit up and show up” was the beginning of doing the next right thing, how to forgive myself was the key to forgiving others, and the list goes on. Now, many people may read this and think, well, sure, everyone knows that. But there was such a dark abyss, for an alcoholic and addict like me, between learning the ‘golden rule’ growing up, and living these principles as a proud man--shoulders back, head held high, and ready to face new challenges. I saw in Patrick, things that I wanted for myself--a zest and enthusiasm for life that is (the good kind of) contagious; a willingness to approach new problems with a belief that difficulty doesn’t make it harder, just more worthwhile; and an attitude that failure or success is not permanent, but your attitude can be.

Because I was willing to take suggestions, and open-minded enough to learn from people who had implemented these very principles into their newly made lives, I was able to resume my education, and complete my Bachelor’s Degree in Philosophy from Brown University. I had begun my undergraduate work in 2000, just as my alcohol and drug use violently swung from recreational to abuse. I tripped and stumbled through the next 7 years, miserable and scared, running away from school, friends and family. I left semester after semester; for Boston, for my parents’ house in Texas, for the mountains of Wyoming; always to return, for “one last push.” I knew that I was miserable, but I didn’t understand that I was lacking the power to be successful.

A power to which I was introduced in the Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and a power to which I bonded as a resident of Foundation House.

I’m not saying the sober life is always bubble-gum-rain drops and chocolate-hazelnut rivers (if that’s what you’re into) but the sober life of living honestly, open-minded and willing to do the next right thing is so much easier than running, fearful of the phone, a knock on the door, or even eye-contact.

My time at Foundation House, learning from Patrick and the other amazing staff members, is one that I can never fully repay; I can, however, pass on these lessons, and lend an ear or a hand when I see that it is needed. Thanks to all FHers that have helped along my journey.

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